Autonomous Robotic Organisms

Lol, oh God...

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 06:38:35 GMT

July marks the sixth month of my Transformers obsession.

I just thought I should post something because sixth months is half a year.

And I am a retard for keeping track of how long I've been into something.

Oh... I just realized... I've been on LiveJournal for about half a year now. Wow. But then again, LJ is a hundred times better than Facebook or Myspace. So yeah.

Anyways... A post or two ago I said I had been officially swayed to the Decepticon side. Well, now I have a better reason for it besides completely adoring Animated Megatron. Though that's still a good enough reason for me on its own.

So I've been reading Megatron: Origin, and after I finished it I got to thinking. The way my over-active imagination works, I tend to sort of replay the story, only messing with some of the events/characters that catch my eye just to see what would happen if such-and-such happened. I was thinking about how the Decepticons came to be, and their reasoning behind their whole rebellion, and all I've got to say is that if everything happened like it did in M:O, I would have been a Decepticon since the very beginning.

It probably would have played out like this if I had been around: I probably would have been in the slums of Kaon, seeing as how my family isn't the richest, and in the comic there was such a huge gap between the rich and the poor. Me, being as restless as I am and frustrated with the whole situation (I'm like this in real life anyway), would have gotten wind of the whole gladatorial scene, and heard about the great Megatron, and what he stood for, and that he was gathering followers, and that he was coming to speak. I would have snuck off to the rally, curious as to what he had to say and the desire for a better life burning at me. I would have heard his speech, and been a loyal follower ever since. Seriously, his speech was that amazing, even to me here in my non-transformer life. I mean, in the whole comic book universe, Megatron's reasons for revolt make sense. He was a miner, doing just fine and fairly happy with his situation, thank-you-very-much. But then the dumb-ass senate, looking for ways to save more money for themselves, completely screwed him over. If things were like that for me, I would totally be behind Megatron 100%, even though I wouldn't be very much help because I'd probably be a femme in the transformers universe. I'd probably be, um, Megatron's amusment. Ahem. Or a medic that isn't afraid to kick Autobot ass and has a thing for Megatron. Lulz.

Oh, and because I bet you don't believe me about the awesome-ness level of Megatron's speech, here it is for you to read. And weep. And be converted into a Decepticon.

If you can't read it, because Photobucket is stupid and won't let you upload images bigger than a certain size:

"I want to ask each of you a question - why are you here?"
"You come from Tarn - you come from Vos."
"Altihex, Uraya, and Kalis."
"We gather in Kaon - and so we bring our misery together - and we fight."
"We are the forgotten, trying to forget. Forgotten - until you stand with a blade in one hand, a throat in the other. Then you remember. You feel it - you are alive!"
"We can wear badges, join teams, fight and kill... Then the badge comes off and you crawl home. Assembled here I see strength. Power. The most dangerous Cybertronians alive."
"So... What if the badge never came off?"

"What if our new arena was the entire face of the planet? What if there was one badge for all of us? And instead of fighting each other, we attack those that put us here... and we take what is ours!"
"Would you have the bearings for that?"
"Would they?" (gestures at a captured senator, Senator Decimus, who came to Megatron's mining outpost and told him he was fired.)
"Look a the fear. The self-interest. The loathing for us... loathing for what they have created. Fear for what will happen. We are without fear. And we will make our mark upon this world."
"Why don't you all get started making an impression?" (Offers the senator up so the crowd can tear him apart. I claim his left optic. Lol.)

But seriously. I read this and was like, holy shit, the Decepticons aren't just some random terrorist group, they have a fucking good reason to hate the Autobots. The Autobots fucking screwed them over.
Plus, I have a strong tendancy of relating better to the rebels/villains for whatever reason, so it was kind of a given that I would eventually be swayed to the Decepticon side.

And sorry, Optimus, but Megatron is sexier than you. Decepticons in general are sexier.

ALL HAIL MEGATRON! DECEPTICONS FOREVER!

P.S. I am totally being "quixotic" right now, even though I completely deny it.

"Extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical, or impracticable; impulsive and often rashly unpredictable."
"Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; idealistic without regard to practicality." -- from Dictionary.com.

LOLOL. Rereading this, I have to love myself for how stupid I can be. I could totally see Megatron finding this entry and being like, "YES, I have yet another follower, bwa ha ha ha!" and then getting to the part where I say I'd either be his "amusment" with all innapropreate things implied, or a medic with a thing for him, and he'd just be like, "Oh. Never mind.... slagging fangirl again...." *optic twitches uncontrollably*
Haha. Megs, you're awesome. Don't worry, I wouldn't really be like that. I'm way to shy to even get close to being like that. I'm just kiddin' with ya.

And now I really have to get to bed, because I have a hair trim tomorrow and I have to get up at like, eleven. Crap. I'm gonna fall asleep in the barber chair...

Writer's Block: Care

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:45:00 GMT

Who do you care about most in your life?

Well, besides myself (lol), not very many people that are real. Both of my older brothers (Chris and Ned), Ned's girlfriend Jaime (I hope I spelled her name right), my best friends Perri, Lauren, Hanna, Mandy, and Katie D., Mr. Weeks, Mrs. Little, Mr. Sicher, and my mom somewhere in there, deep down, even though right now I wish her gone from my life because she's so obnoxious and negative and paranoid all the time and makes me depressed. Ahem...

And then all of my pets, of course: my cat Sasha, my rabbit Pikkle, and my two birds Zeke and Dustipobble (a.k.a. Duddy).

Because I am weird and live mostly inside of my head and imagination and imaginary universes, I have a lot of fictional characters that I care about like they were friends and family. The list is huge. So shoot me.
Let's see...
Megatron (Megatron: Origin especially, G1, Armada, Animated, Beast Wars), Optimus Prime (G1, 2007 movie), Soundwave (G1, Animated), Jazz (G1, Animated), Starscream (G1, Armada, Animated), Blurr (Armada), Terrorsaur (Beast Wars), Dinobot (Beast Wars), and Tigatron (Beast Wars) from Transformers, not necessarily in that order. I care about transformers in general - ... OK, fine, I favor the Decepticons more because the crazy-ass rebel side of me made me do it. But who I listed are the ones I would stalk constantly. Until they shot me. In the face.
Davy Jones and his crew because they are awesome and totally pwn the Black Pearl.
Sauron and his Nazgul minions. Because they kick hobbit ass and I'm just weird like that.
DARTH VADER. WOOOOO!!!!!! He's so fucking awesome. He was the best in the Empire Strikes Back. And he's damn sexy. Not gonna lie.
And then my various OC characters that I have created along the way.
Atlanta the unicorn. What? I was like, 12 when I made her up. She kicks Dark Unicorn ass. And for a while there she was an anthro hangin' with Vader. No lie. She was a Jedi-gone-mercenary-gone-rogue. She had the most fucking awesome space ship that totally pwned the Millenium Falcon. And was probably a total Mary Sue, but I won't get into that.
Brandi Starkiller, my PotC pirate character. She was like the sister I never had. Probably one of the only characters I ever created that wasn't a total Mary Sue. I swear after writing her for a while she got a life of her own.
My OC transformer characters, who are still under quite the amount of development. There's the female one I mentioned several posts back, with the Shelby Mustang alt. mode, and then there's another one who's male and is a Decepticon. I love him. I need to write him asap. His design is such that he has a peg leg and really long fingers (his alt. mode is that of a gun, akin to Megatron's and Shockwave's alt. modes, only my OC's sort of stands up on its own and there isn't the whole mass displacement thingy involved when he transformes, and he doesn't need to be weilded by someone else). He's the transformer equivelent of an alcoholic and is a total ladies' man. He goes around and instigates rallies and revolts and general unrest, and spreads Decepticon propaganda. He's excellent at recruiting 'young and impressionable minds' to the Decepticon cause because his speeches are like, mind blowing. He's really good at delivering speeches, kind of like Hitler was, only a little less of a lunatic and a little more drunk/over-energized. And, despite Megatron's immense displeasure, he's obsessed with certain aspects of human culture. He has a built-in solid-hologram projector so he can "wear" his favorite article of human clothing, a black leather trench coat. He's a total nutcase, but Megatron keeps him around because he's damn good at his job, and provides Megs with plenty of entertainment when he gets into philisophical arguments with his fellow Decepticons and totall pwns them because he can speak so well and get them to agree with what they were disagreeing with in the first place (it's complicated to explain, but let's just say he's good at getting people to change their opinion without them realizing it until he starts laughing at them). Fuck he's awesome. I need to write up a proper profile for him and stick him into a fic.

But anyways... I care more about non-existant characters than I do real life people. I am one fucked up individual. Woo for me and all my mental problems.

And holy crap this post got way too long.

OMG MEGATRON......!!!!11!!!!1!!!!

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 05:12:01 GMT

I just got the first issue of Megatron: Origin, and OMG IT'S SO GOOD. There were parts where I was like AAHH, dontcrydontcryDONTCRY*sniff*. Lol, I think my hormones are like going haywire; I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day.

But anyways... The part where Megatron killed one of the senate guard dudes and then he realized what he had done and was all horrified.... HUGE tear jerker for me. I was like, OMG, you need a hug. I'm sorry, but it's just so tragic. He's just a miner minding his business when the stupid senate comes along and is all like, 'we dun care 4 u robotz. we replace u wit dumb-ass automatons so we dun have 2 pay u minerz. lulz.'

Hehe, Megatron's expression when he found an energon thread (I think that would be what its called, when you're mining for ore) was so deliciousy cocky, I was like yesssssss preciousssss. Ok, not really, but you get my drift.

God I'm like, emotionally retarded right now.

MEGATRON: ORIGIN IS SO AWESOME. GO READ IT RIGHT NOW.

YYYAAAYYY!!!!

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 20:09:36 GMT

The Soundwave MP3 player arrived today! It's so cute, I love it! (What?! Robots can be cute!) The transformation is really easy, and he's super poseable as well. There's even a little flashing light on his chest when he's on. The only that could really be called a setback would be that, compared to the iPod, the sound quality isn't the greatest, but it's not really that noticable. I wouldn't even really call that a setback; MP3's aren't the greatest format for music anyway.
One thing that does impress me, though, is that Soundwave can play music for 6 hours on a single AAA battery. Now that's just awesome. I wonder how long he could go for on energon....

SOUNDWAVE IS SO CUTE. He's sitting on my window sill watching me post this while he plays my music. I can't wait to show him to my friends, haha. Everyone'll be pulling out their fancy iPods with ginormous hard drives, and I'll just pull out Soundwave and transform him into robot mode and pose him and make everyone jealous. XP

Soundwave pwns iPods. End of story.

Wewt writing! Flee in terror!

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:57:32 GMT

I finally got my butt in gear and did a prompt that I had been wanting to do for a while. You set all of your music on shuffle, and then you write whatever comes to you for the length of the song. When the next one comes on, you stop (even if you're mid-sentence) and move on to the next subject. You do this for 5-10 songs, or more if you're fingers are that itchy to write, lol.

This has had minimal editing done to it, so be warned...

I might take a few of these and expand them into full blown stories, I might not. It depends on how lazy I turn out to be this summer.

But anyways, here they are! I hope you enjoy them at least a little bit, even though most of them are either complete nonsense, stupid or just plain bad... *gulps*

------------------------------

1.) God Put a Smile Upon Your Face – Coldplay (Animated verse.)

It had been a long, long day. Megatron ran his fingers gently over the keys of the main computer, a almost inaudible sigh escaping from him.

When was this damned war ever going to end?

He frowned, his hand clenching into a fist. He stared absently at his fusion cannon, and before he knew it he was dragging his hand along its contours. Flecks of static licked at his fingers as they moved up and down the barrel, and he relished the oddly soothing sensation.

2). Lethal Industry – DJ Tiesto (Animated verse.)

Here he was again, charging down the corridor in blind madness. They would die; all of them. He drew his sword and positively roared with long suppressed rage. Time seemed to slow, sights seemed to blur into a confusing jumble. All he could see were the panicked optics of his enemies. He snarled and sliced right through those glowing optics, relishing the sight of them growing dim, the smell of sizzling circuitry.

3.) Chase My Rabbit – Marcus Schossow (Animated verse.)

Starscream sat in the mangled throne of the Nemisis, pondering the stars that littered the sky. What was he to do, alone and friendless in this wretched world? He grimaced at those dark thoughts and placed his head in his hand for a moment. He needed to get out, escape. Without any more hesitation he rose from his seat and strode over to stand beneath a damaged part of the ceiling. He sprang up and away, not bothering to transform. There was no wind out in space for him to feel rushing past him, but he stretched out his arms anyway. He did not know how long he flew, but he did not care. The liquid blackness flecked with diamonds utterly engulfed him, his cares slipping away to be lost in the limitless space. He wished this could last forever.

4.) Self-Saboteur – Delerium (Animated verse.)

He remembered the old days back on Cybertron like they were yesterday. Surrounded by femmes and admirers alike, he was in want of nothing. He remembered the great gardens, mechaflowers and trees shining from the rich golden energon that flowed like lifeblood through all of Cybertron. But that was all gone now, erased by the ravages of war. No more was he popular for his charmingly rebellious nature, or admired for his strength. He was alone now, despised by most and feared by the rest. The only thing he could count on nowadays were his wits and his fusion cannon.

(Note: The character is Megatron, if you somehow didn't manage to figure it out.)

5.) Adagio for Strings – DJ Tiesto (Animated verse.)

There she was, working diligently as she always did. He didn’t know how she managed to work so hard for so long, but tonight, something was different. He approached her, stopping right behind her chair and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. She didn’t respond.

“Snow?”

She jumped and spun around in the chair. “Megatron! Do- do you need me for… something?” she paused, catching the strange glimmer in his eye. The corners of his mouth curled up in a small smile.

“No-… and yes.” Without warning, he took hold of her hands in his, bent down and kissed her.

6.) Last Night – Moby (Animated verse.)

They had lost. Lost. There was nowhere to run, no one to turn to. Each pound on the door signified one moment closer to the Pit. Megatron sat on the floor against the wall, his knees brought up to his chest. Snow stood by his side, staring at the floor. A single drop of cleaning fluid rand down her cheek, and without warning she fell to her knees. Brushing all formalities aside, she clung to Megatron and wept in silence. She was not weeping for herself; she wept for the future that would never be. Megatron drew Snow closer, his dear femme, most loyal of anyone that had ever served him, and buried his face in the crook of her neck. Why had it come to this? Why, Primus, why?

7.) Heroines – Diablo Swing Orchestra (Animated verse.)

He had heard about this feeling from the boastful stories of elder warriors, but he had never imagined it would feel this wonderfully, deliciously good. Starscream strode towards the fallen Megatron, a mad grin plastered on his thin face. At long last, he would lead the Decepticons, lead them on glory and beyond. It would be he, not Megatron, that would be recorded in the databanks of history, remembered for all eternity as the one that had finally liberated the Decepticons. The taste of victory was almost sinful on his lips as he swung Megatron’s own sword downwards for the killing blow.

8.) Yes – Coldplay (Animated verse.)

Why the slag was he doing this? What was the point of this stupid mission anyway? Bitzwing grumbled to himself as he made his painfully slow way across the desert landscape. No flying, my aft. What was he even supposed to be looking for in the slagging first place?

“’You’ll know ven you see it.’ Vat ze slag is zat supposed to mean?’” Cold Blitzwing muttered to himself. His face switched suddenly to Hothead.

“I bet Megatron sent us on a death mission!”

Cold returned, positively scowling. “Vy vould he do zat?”

“Because he’s jealous of our mad dancing skills! Oohoohoohahaha!” Random cackled gleefully.

9.) Break My Fall (Richard Durand Remix) – Tiesto (G1 verse.)

This was the life. Music pounding at his core processor, overloading his audio sensors. Sometimes, too much of a good thing was good. Soundwave’s fingers darted across the controls, mixing the sounds until they became the perfect blend of rhythm and bliss. He had learned to appreciate the range of the human voice, though he would never admit it openly. His fingers froze as he reached the note, the rhythm, the glorious pinnacle of the song. He changed his approach, building up the climax until it was almost unbearable. He lost himself in it, putting all of his spark into driving the music onwards into ecstasy. Without warning, he let it all go; the sounds washing over him like the most beautiful dream he could ever imagine. If he had a choice, he would do this forever rather than fight in a war with no end in sight.

10.) Amnesia – Nitrous Oxide (G1 verse.)

The sky had never seemed so vast and open, nothing but the color aquamarine. Starscream almost skimmed across the air, he felt so light and free. The sun was behind him, and putting aside his mission for a moment he chased his shadow from cloud to cloud. For once he appreciated the beauty of earth; there were no clouds on Cybertron that he could remember.

------------------------------

Number 5 marks the first ever appearance of my OC character, who I shall hopefully get around to giving a better name. And yes, I know that one was awful, horrible, brain-melting fluff. So shoot me.
I like number 9 though... *isbrickmaimed*

And yeah, sorry about the wonky formatting. Apparently LJ hates it when I try to cut and paste from MS Word.

HOLYFUKAWESOMESTEPISODESEVERRR

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:28:04 GMT

OMGOMGOMG I just finished watching the season finale of TF: Animated (A Bridge Too Close, parts 1&2), and it was FUCKING AWESOME OMFG. I can't WAIT until the next season of TF:A!

OMFG the Starscream clones were awesome! I love them! I love the G1-referencing touches to them as well! The clones were colored like the G1 Seekers Skywarp and Thundercracker, there was one colored like Jetfire/Skyfire, and one colored like Sunstorm (who never appeared in the G1 cartoons, but was still awesome).

Don't even get me freaking STARTED on Megatron. These episodes had so much Megatron goodness in them I was so freaking happy. He's my favorite character of all time, with Starscream right behind him. Lol, call me a freakish fangirl but when he was sucked into the Spacebridge I was like NOOOOOOOO MEGGY COME BACK TO ME!!!
The stuff in the end credits were HILARIOUS, omg.

Megs: Stop staring at me
Screamer: No, you stop staring at me.
Megs: Do you actually believe I want to spend the rest of eternity staring at you?
[stupid shit Cartoon Network cuts off the rest]
Screamer: [cutting back in] *cackling manically*
Megs: [in smexy pissed off voice] Oh, shut up.

Omg, I absolutely adore TF:A Megatron. He's so kick-ass, I want to glomp him and follow him around and stalk him and glomp him some more and and and and GAH HECK WITH IT I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO DECEPTICONS!!! ALL HAIL MEGATRON!! DECEPTICONS FOREVER!!!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Ooooh, that just spawned an interesting plot bunny... a 'bot that's more suited to being an Autobot (because she all good and kind and compassionate and stuff), but winds up joining the Decepticons because she's rapidly falling for Megatron (who wouldn't, hehe). Although, Megatron would probably be oblivious to all of this and just think she's an over zealously loyal Decept. Oooooooooh, sooo much opportunity for overly awkward situations and angst. xD

And yeah, I'm really hyper. TF:A is soo good, I can't wait until the next season!!

OH, OH, AAAAANNNNDDDD, my Soundwave MP3 player shipped yesterday! WOOOOOOOO!!!!! YAYYYY!!!!! SO MUCH TO BE HAPPY ABOUT!!!!

And I'd better get to work fleshing out that plot bunny, or else it will devour my brains and leave me all spacey from daydreaming....

Holy cow my mom is awesome

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:07:13 GMT

She just told me about a birthday present that's coming in really late, because it wasn't available until July. And guess what it is?!

IT'S A SOUNDWAVE THAT'S A WORKING MP3 PLAYER. OMFG. IT TRANSFORMS AND EVERYTHING. I CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO COME IN.
I was like, flipping out when she told me about this. I've already converted all the songs I want on Soundwave into MP3 format, which was a pain in the ass btw. But yeah. You put all the MP3s on an SD card, and then stick it in Soundwave's chest compartment like when he had old-school tapes.
I'M SO EXCITED. SOUNDWAVE HURRY AND COME TO MEEEEE!! (Lol, that last part came out a little wrong...)

WHY?!

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 22:07:40 GMT

I am SO MAD at stupid Cartoon Network. I have to wait another like, 3 friggin' weeks to see the finale of TF: Animated. I WANT TO SEE IT NOW, dammit. But it isn't until July 5.

ARGH. Why would they do this?! WHY?? It's the fucking summer, and I have nothing to do. CARTOON NETWORK, YOU FAIL AT ENTERTAINING PEOPLE.

And I'm PMSing really bad right now. I feel like shit. I should go take a shower right now, but I don't feel like doing crap. Ugh, I fucking hate my period...

Writer's Block: Comebacks

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:10:48 GMT

Know any great comebacks?

UR MOM.

The ultimate all purpose comeback. Guaranteed to make the offending party leave you alone if you use it enough on them.

All's well that ends well

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:04:03 GMT

.... or however the heck the saying goes. Whatever.

Anyways; the cat went to a good home, thank goodness. So once I like sanitize the room where the stray cat was, my cat Sasha will be free again.

My brother got a new camera for his graduation present. I don't really know that much about cameras, but it's supposed to be a really good one. It even looks bad-ass. I'll be getting his old digital camera, so I'm pretty happy about that (I had to borrow his camera whenever I wanted to take any pictures).

And I have no idea why the hell I bothered to update my journal with this trivial information. I guess it's because I'm bored, and what I would like to do is go and buy something (the Animated Starscream figure, to be exact), but I always feel bad asking my mom to buy me stuff that I don't need. I wish my mofo father still gave me an allowance.... Then I could build my transformer army without feeling bad.

Operation: Rescue Cat

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:45:31 GMT

Recently a stray cat showed up at my grandparents' house. We can tell it's definitely not a feral cat, since it's extremely friendly and doesn't mind being picked up (as long as you don't take it near a cat carrier).

Well, my grandparents were being stupid and insisting that the cat was fine outside, even though it's skinny (but it doesn't look like it because it has long hair), it's fur is starting to mat, and foxes have been known to roam around the property. So, we (being my two older brothers and I) just sort of showed up last night and took the cat home. We're taking it to the vet hopefully on Monday, and hopefully we'll be able to find it a good home since there's no way we can keep it. I already have my cat, Sasha, and our house is too small to have 2 cats, 2 birds and a rabbit. I've already had to shut Sasha up in my room with a litter box, food, and water so she doesn't come in contact with the stray cat, in case the stray has any diseases. I'll just say that I didn't sleep very well last night, and my room s starting to smell funky. I'll have to clean out the litter box later today, ugh....

So yeah. That was my adventure last night, running around outside my grandparents' house in the dark, catching the cat and sticking the thing in a carrier while it was yowling it's head off. I really don't understand why anyone would abandon that cat though; it's really nice and friendly, it's very playful, and just an all around great cat.

If anyone wants a cat and lives near me, I have one you can have. It'll even have been taken to vet before you get it! But seriously, I want this cat to go to a good home. It's a really nice looking cat too; it's grey and long haired, kind of like a Persian, but it's head/face is like a normal cat's, not all smooshed up.

So yeah. If you want a cat, contact me a.s.a.p.

SO BORED

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 23:56:34 GMT

I really wish my mother would get her friggin' act together. She's just puttering around, doing nothing except sit in front of the computer, move dirt around in the 'garden,' and eat cereal. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. And as far as I can tell, she's spending money she doesn't have by ordering random shit on the internet. I'm starting to get scared that she's really in debt, because she's always using her credit card for ev-er-y-thing.

I really want to get a job, too. Partially because it would just be something to do during the summer, but mostly because I feel bad asking my mother for money because I know she doesn't have that much. I'm hoping I'll still be able to get a job at my barn, but for some reason or another there's a possibility that I might not be able to get one. I don't really know the reason why, but I really, really hope I'll get lucky. I suspect that my mother is being an ass behind the scenes, because she's always going on about 'how good volunteer work will look on your resume/transcript/whatever the hell it is.' I don't give a crap how good it will look, I WANT THE MONEY.
I don't want money just to spend it. I'm just sick and tired of having no money what so ever. It makes me feel vulnerable and bad being dependent on someone for everything. In actual fact, I want to start saving up for a car, a decent cell phone (mine is ancient and a total piece of crap), and an Apple laptop (for when I finally need a new one for college in a couple of years). I don't know, I guess you could say that I'm more than ready to control my own life now.

Speaking of saving up for a car, I really want to learn how to drive, and it's pissing me off how reluctant my mother is about letting me get driving lessons. She's always going on about how high insurance rates are for 16 year old drivers. I feel like she's pulling excuses out of her ass to prevent me from becoming any more independent. But seriously, it would take away a lot of the hassle of her driving me everywhere. Plus, she always manages to be late for everything, and it really pisses me off because she doesn't seem to care about the consequences it has on me. I don't know what the hell is with her, but it takes her half a freakin' hour to get out of the door to go somewhere. It's ridiculous. It's not natural. I'm so fucking sick of her and how she's always trying to control my life and how she's always dragging me down and preventing me from becoming more independent.

I feel like it's even harder for me to be patient with the whole situation because I see my oldest brother (who's 26, has a girlfriend and lives in an apartment complex nearby) living on less (at least, I think he is) than my mother is, and he's doing perfectly fine. I mean, I know my mother has to support me and my other brother (18), but if she would be more supportive of me getting a job and taking care of myself and stopped spending money on useless crap, then she would be perfectly fine was well. I just want to get out and do stuff, but I can't because I have no money at all and my mother is always dragging me down. I mean, my 26 year old brother goes to concerts all the time, has tons of video games and like 3 gaming consoles (Playstation 2 I think, a Wii, and an Xbox 360), and yet my mother never has enough money to get food by the end of the month. Something is really wrong with this picture.

I want to do something about all of this, but I can't because my mother is such a fucking retard when it comes to managing money and dealing with life.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 06:52:59 GMT

This probably proves that I am retarded, but... I found something that made me happy. And even though no one really cares, I'm gonna share it anyway.

I finally figured out what the alt. mode of my transformer character is, and I even found a pic of it with the right color scheme:

It's a Ford Shelby Mustang. Because Mustangs are awesome and I want one. Originally I was considering the Saleen Mustang (awesomest car ever), but it was too bad-ass for my character (who's female, btw). The Shelby has enough attitude and tom-boyishness to it, but it's not too masculine either (at least, that's what I think; I could totally see this car translating into a pretty female transformer, lol).

I'm still trying to come up with a decent name for her. Right now her unofficial/working name is, erm, Snow..... because she's, uh, white? Yeah, I know Snow is kind of a lame name, but I just can't think of something good for her yet.

And now I have to leave so I can install Firefox 3.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:57:39 GMT

God fucking damn it. How the fuck can I be so fucking STUPID?!
I had my riding lesson yesterday, and as I was going over the last jump my horse hit her hoof on the bar and landed kind of funny. My instructor told me to rub the horse's LEFT LEG, from the shoulder down, and her RIGHT HIP.
Well, GUESS WHAT?!
I FUCKED UP THE LEFT AND RIGHT SIDE, ME BEING THE FUCKING IDIOT I AM. AND I DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL THIS MORNING. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
If anything happens to that horse it's all my fault.

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE STUPID WHEN IT ACTUALLY COUNTS?!?!?!

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 01:04:20 GMT

Something is really wrong with my mom, but I don't know what it is. I'm starting to get really worried. She was crying today.

I'll have to post more later; dinner...

EDIT:

I feel like I'm the only one in my house that isn't either depressed or diseased. My brother has mono, so I can't really blame him for feeling down. But as for my mom... I have no idea what's going on with her. She's been getting progressively worse in every way I can think of. She's always either locked up in her room on the computer, or talking to someone on the phone... she's isolating herself. There's probably a lot going on behind the scenes with her, but from where I'm standing I honestly don't understand why she's so depressed. And to make things worse, it doesn't seem like she ever fully recovered from pneumonia, no matter what the doctors say. I'm really starting to get worried about her. She doesn't get any exercise in any form whatsoever. I don't think she's eating very well. Lately she's been complaining about odd little things like not being able to eat dairy products anymore, even though she's never had a problem with them before. She seems to be suffering from chronic fatigue or something, even though she does absolutely nothing that's particularly tiring; she practically never makes us dinner anymore because she always says she's too tired, or her stomach feels bad, or whatever.
It's just, AGH, I don't get it. Why is she falling apart at the seams? There's no reason that I can think of. I would talk to her, but nowadays she just seems so... unapproachable. I feel like if I tried to talk to her she'd start on one of her rants about how hard she's worked to raise us, and how my father never provides enough money, and all that stuff that I've already heard a million times before and don't really want to hear again.

Maybe this is part of the reason why I'm always wishing I was somewhere else, with other people. Because, right now at least, I have no family to speak of. They're all stuck in their little pits of doom and depression and despair, while I'm standing at the sidelines wondering what the fuck is going on that I don't know about. I wish I had somebody to just talk to. Even though I want to help my mom through whatever she's going through, I really just want to leave and start over from scratch. I want to push my chronic shyness away, and just love people. I feel like I can't when I always have to go home to depressed people who don't want me near them. Deep down inside, I am a very affectionate person. I just don't show it because of my family background. My family was pretty much never openly affectionate. And now I'm wishing it had been; I would be so different if I had been raised in a happy and affectionate family.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of being constantly surrounded by negative feelings.

To change to a radically different subject... We went to Ihop for dinner, and I swear the waiter was like, checking me out. Not in a weird, sketchy way, but in a sort of good way, if you know what I mean. Maybe it's just because my family isn't all that great right now, but I'm starting to kind of wish I had a boyfriend. Or at least, a guy who wasn't depressed about having mono and could drive and was nice and fun to hang out with. Optimus, Blurr, Jazz, where the hell are you when I need you?

Happiness!!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 05:02:12 GMT

The end of this episode makes me so happy, it's ridiculous. Armada Megatron makes me giggle... If he wasn't such a jerk all the time I'd say he's almost lovable. But then again, that's never stopped me before.... bwa ha ha ha ha....

Go to 19:30. Giggle at how much Megatron sounds like a reluctant/pissed off daddy. And smile like an idiot when the voice actor for Meggy slips a Beast Wars Meggy "yessss" in there.

As you can see, I am very easy to please.

Writer's Block: Gaming From Young to Old

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 04:46:53 GMT

What was your favorite game as a child? DUCK DUCK GOOSE!! Lol, I loved that game as a kid. I'd still play it, but I'm expected to be mature nowadays...

What's your favorite now? Umm... that's a really hard question to answer. Probably Hide And Seek. You can't go wrong with that game. And it's probably the best game to play at a party ever, especially if you don't know very many of the people well. Hide And Seek is actually a very good way of getting to know people, believe it or not...

HOLY CRUDMUFFIN

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:17:06 GMT

SOUNDWAVE WILL PROBABLY BE IN TRANSFORMERS 2, ALONG WITH HIS MINION RAVAGE.

AND THE CONSTRUCTICONS MIGHT BE IN IT TOO.

HOLY FUCKING CRAP THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME!!

I'm sooo excited for this movie, you have no idea...

(I found the info's here, fyi.)

OMFG

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:10:14 GMT

HOLY FUCK I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR TRANSFORMERS 2. I heard that the official title is Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Yeah, sounds shitty to anyone ignorant of TF mythology, but to anyone who does know their mythology, that's freakin' huge and exciting news!!

The Fallen was one of the original thirteen Transformers created by Primus, the good TF God. But the Fallen decided he was bored (ok, not really, but you get my point) and joined up with Unicron, the evil TF God and mortal enemy of Primus. The Fallen was pretty much Unicron's right hand 'bot and harbinger of death, so he wasn't very pleasant. I don't really know any more specifics off the top of my head, but look up the Fallen on http://transformers.wikia.com/ and you'll find out everything you ever wanted to know and more. If you're too lazy to do that, then compare the Fallen to Morgoth from Tolkien's The Silmarillion and you've go the idea. If you haven't read The Silmarillion, then you'd better get your ass out from under your rock and start reading.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the Fallen is on fire.

The Supreme Master of Barbecue.

Oh my freaking LORD

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 20:27:50 GMT

FINALLY, school is OVER. Summer is HERE. I can do whatever the fuck I want to. Yeah, I'm going to miss everyone at OS, but I think it's time for me to move on.

To change the subject completely...

Blurr arrived in the mail today! I was so happy. I thought he'd be slightly bigger, but oh well. He's so cute small! This is one of the times I wish my toys were alive, 'cause then I'd have a bunch of mini Transformer friends to hang out with over the summer. Sigh.... one can dream......

This is the end

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:08:28 GMT

I finished Armada. That was the most epic ending ever; I nearly burst into tears when Megatron sacrificed himself (I don't cry very easily over movies, so that's saying something). Even though he hungered for power, deep down he was a true leader in every sense of the word. I can't believe it's over...

Normally I'd go on and on about how great the ending was, but it's left me speechless.

.......

I miss Megatron already...

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:06:35 GMT

I am so fucking done with this school. I love my friends there, I really do, but... I FUCKING HATE THE SCHOOL. I don't ever want to set foot on the campus ever again in my entire life. I'm so sick of everything that has anything to do with that hell-hole. I'm sick of the disgusting, badly prepared crap they expect us to eat. I mean, they can't even make macaroni right. A six year old could make it better with one hand tied behind its back.
It's just... AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU OS. YOU'RE NOT GETTING A SINGLE FUCKING PENNY FROM THIS ALUM.

Anyways, to change the subject drastically...

Last post I said I wanted to cut my hair short and get red streaks in it.

Well, I'm getting my hair cut short on Thursday. BOOYAH. I can't wait; I'm so sick of my long hair right now. I can't do anything with it, and it's a pain in the ass trying to make it look nice. With short hair I'll just be able to be like, fwa-ping, all done, look at my sexiness. Well, ok, maybe not exactly like that, but you know what I mean. I just want to be able to ruffle my hair and do shit with it with gel and just be goofy with it in general.

And in other news... I'm getting Blurr as a late birthday present! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I heart Blurr so much, he friggin' ROCKS. All I have to do is watch the episode where he first comes in (Reinforcement) and tells the kids to stfu and I feel better, hehe.

Blurr, if you're somehow reading this... CAN YOU COME AND VISIT ME?! AND MAY I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?! Pretty please? ...with energon on top?

Writer's Block: Makeover!

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 12:17:25 GMT

If you had the chance to go crazy and completely overhaul your appearance, what would you do?

Cut my hair really short and get dark, natural red streaks in it. I really want to cut my hair short, but I don't know if I'd be able to pull off that sort of look. I'm kind of sick of long hair, and all the maintenance it requires. Don't even talk to me about how long it takes to dry the damn stuff...

WATCH AS YOUR CHILDHOOD IS RUINED FOREVER

Sat, 31 May 2008 00:14:15 GMT

I have no idea how the hell I found this. But it's FUCKING HILARIOUS.

It's the vampire dude from Sesame Street's special counting song, only they bleeped out things and it turns out SO FUCKING WRONG it's HILARIOUS.

WATCH IT. Seriously. You will never regret it as long as you live. EVER.

</div>

Fri, 30 May 2008 23:12:32 GMT

LOL OMG THIS IS AWESOME.

WATCH IT OR DIE.

No really, you have to freaking watch this. I don't remember the title exactly, but it's something like: Transformers The Movie: The Hunt for Liquor.

"I AM AN ALCOHOLIC."

"Please, just one more drink."
"Sir, we've got to take you to rehab."