date: Tuesday Apr. 1st, 2008 at 8:30pm subject: shoot me plz security grid strength: Public status: depressed tags: ramble, rant

I feel like total shit. I just want to curl up in a ball in a corner and cry. I hate my life. I hate my house. I hate my parents. Everything sucks. I just want to get out, and get away from that house and my stupid ass parents.

I've never felt this depressed and crappy in my entire life. I don't know whether to cry, scream, punch a wall, or kill myself.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've been dumped in a black pit of despair that's so deep I can't see the light or a way out of this fucked up mess that's my miserable life. I don't care if I sound like I'm just another bitchy emo. I can't stand my mother anymore. Hardly anyone understands me. I only have two people I can talk to, and neither of them are family members or a professional.

I'm so tired of all the hate and anger that just surrounds my world like an evil, slimy web. I just want peace and happiness, for myself and every living creature.

I would give up now and just end it all, but I have too much to lose. Too many people and things to just leave behind.

I'm so tired of feeling this lost, hopeless, and depressed all the time. There are times that I am happy, but this depression is always deep in the back of my mind, gnawing at my sanity, dulling the pleasure of life. I've had to deal with it for far too long. I've reached my breaking point, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to prevent myself from shattering into useless ashes, that will scatter in the wind and quickly be forgotten, forever.

But I refuse to let this happen to me. I am better than this. I deserve better than this, even if part of me doesn't think so.

I'm going to get help. I'm going to put all this shit to a stop. No matter what it takes. No matter how hard or dark the path is.

I am going to do all of those things, because of this word: love.

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