date: Thursday Mar. 20th, 2008 at 12:15am subject: La la l- SHUT UP security grid strength: Public status: frustrated music: Dance 4 Life - Tiesto tags: rant, wtf

Ok, I've officially had it... my mom drives me up a FREAKIN' WALL. ARRRRRGGGGHHH.

She's constantly moaning and bitching and complaining, and every time we sit down to dinner and my brother tries to start an intelligent conversation it winds up turning into the Ultimate Mom Vs. Son Bickering Match 2008. I hate it and I wish she'd stop. I feel bad bolting down my food and then leaving as quickly as possible, but I can't stand all the fucking bickering anymore. I wouldn't mind the occasional time or two, but this is all the fucking time. No one can even bring up intelligent conversation starters that are even remotely controversial anymore without her getting all pissy and turning a molehill into a mountain. I really want to just slap her and say, "FUCKING RELAX WOMAN LIFE ISN'T A HUGE OPINION VERSUS OPINION BATTLEGROUND." She always acts like my brother is attacking her personally when he's trying to point something out that she doesn't agree with. Seriously, if an outsider watched these stupid bickering matches without being able to hear what was being said, they'd think my brother was cursing my mom out or something. She gets that defensive and worked up, it's fucking ridiculous.

One of the worst things is, when I'm unfortunate enough to not finish my meal fast enough, she refuses to listen to anything my brother says. One of their favorite topics is President Bush. Not one of the best topics to discuss at the dinner table in the first place, but I really don't see the need to get so worked up about him. He'll be out of the White House in a matter of months now anyway. Anywho, my brother will calmly present his view about Bush, which usually consists of: he's not really that stupid, he's just in the wrong job; etc, and he'll give reasons as to why he thinks this. Immediately, my mom fires up about what a fucking dickwad asshole Bush is, yada yada yada, he stuffed firecrackers down frogs throats and watched them explode, blah blah blah... yeah, sure, that's pretty disgusting and is just another tally mark against our President, but... God, I don't know. She refuses to just step back and listen to other opinions. She absolutely refuses to acknowledge other people's opinions, and she automatically assumes that if people don't agree with her they're wrong and should go burn in hell. IT'S SO fucking IRRITATING I JUST WANT TO PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL. Or something... violent... or, well, whatever, you get my point.

I just don't get her anymore. She gets so worked up/freaked out/pissed off about EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME now. She's not the mom I knew when I was little. She's more like the Psycho Old Lady from the Black Lagoon or something. Just... ARGH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HER AT ALL. I can't even explain it!

She sits in front of the computer/talks on the phone all day long, and then turns around and tells me, after being at school all day, to get off the computer and do 'something productive' like drawing or reading or writing or whatever, and she moans and complains and bitches about how stressed out she is. AND SHE HAS DONE NOTHING DURING THE ENTIRE COURSE OF THE DAY. She claims she's doing, er, stuff, but I have never figured out what the fuck she does do. I'm the one slaving my ass off over homework, studying, tests, classes, etc, and she's more stressed out than I am?! Something is obviously wrong in this picture. Oh, and by the way, she, who has been on the computer/talking on the phone all day while we've been working at school, doesn't bother to give us dinner (the only meal she has to serve us in the entire day) until, at the earliest, 8:30. WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?! That's one of the reasons I regularly stay late at OS; because I get dinner there at least 4 hours earlier than I would at home. WTF?! AND, she is ALWAYS late to pick me up. I'm not exaggerating. She is always AT LEAST half an hour late to pick me up. When I want her to pick me up at, say, 5, I'll call half an hour early so I can actually get home at a decent time. SOMEHOW, using her mystical powers of fagness, she STILL manages to get there at like, 6. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I CALLED A FUCKING HALF HOUR IN ADVANCE SO YOU'D GET THERE WHEN I ACTUALLY WANTED YOU TO COME (it only takes half an hour max to get to OS from where I live), AND YOU STILL MANAGE TO BE FUCKING LATE. Holy Jesus fucking Christ in a taxicab, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Whenever I'm stuck in close proximity with her, like during car rides (yeah, even when she's fucking DRIVING she gets pissy over shit), I'll plug into my iPod to avoid hearing her bitch about random crap. It helps, slightly, but it kind of ruins the mood when I'm trying to enjoy my new Jimi Hendrix album and between each song I can hear her ranting and raving.....

Just, ugh. I'm so tired of it. I just want love and happiness and peace. My family was already torn apart by hatred and violence when my parents divorced, why does she have to make it worse?

I'm so tired of sadness and anger, I can't say it loud enough. I want to get out of here. I want to find someone who I can love and talk to without being afraid of them getting angry over trivial things, someone who will love me back, and won't expect the world from me, and will actual listen and try to help when I'm feeling down. I get none of that at home. It's a little complicated, but I miss having a father, so darn badly. I don't miss the actual man who was my father, I just miss having a male figure I can go to who will never try to get in my pants as long as he lives. Fathers can comfort in a way only they can. All of you who still have fathers that love you have no idea how lucky you are. I would do just about anything to have a father and a happy family.

Shit, I just made myself cry...

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